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higher education superintendent, USD 259 Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida,
Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa,Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota,
Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North
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Harlem, Queens, Reno, Trenton, Princeton, Newark, Orlando, Manchester, Youngstown, Ft Worth, Spokane, Sacramento, Wilmington,
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PA, RI, SC, SD, TN, TX, UT, VA, VT, WA, WI, WV, WY, District of Columbia, Wichita, Santa Cruz, Sonoma, Harlem, Palo Alto,
Riverdale, Augusta, Sumner, Harvey, Burbank, Glendale, Oak Park, Chula Vista, Santa Ana, Walnut Valley, substitute teaching for
dummies, Redwood City, Fresno, Tempe, Greenwich, Concord, Flagstaff, Lansing, Medford, North Platte, Wilkes-Barre, Yuma,
Temple City, Pierre, Yuba City, Brownsville, Evansville, subsitute teaching, West Point, Waterloo, Redwood City, Chattanooga, Peoria,
Pontiac, Canton, Sausalito, Dearborn, Stockton, Lowell, McKinney, substitute teaching, Boulder Valley, Kelly Services, DC public
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Jefferson Parish, No Child Left Behind, Paradise Valley, substitute teaching, guest teacher, ubstitute, usbstitute, ssubstitute, aubstitute,
dubstitute, wubstitute, eubstitute, zubstitute, zubstitute, sbstitute, sbustitute, suubstitute, eaching, etaching, tteaching, reaching, yeaching,
5eaching, 6eaching, feaching, geaching, taching substitute teaching,

The Harry Potter Phenomenon

_______________________________________________

A first grader read from
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
to Ben during reading time.
____________________________________________________

A fourth grade girl told Ben she'd read each Harry Potter
book 36 times and had seen each movie 21 times.
________________________________________________________

A fifth grader told Ben that he had his picture
taken with J.K. Rowling when he was in Edinburgh, Scotland.
________________________________________________________

When a fifth grader asked Ben where Harry Potter was
at the end of Book IV, Ben said, "The cemetery."
The boy replied, "No, he was in the graveyard!"
________________________________________________________

An Unusual Story

A first grader told Ben there were nine kids in her family. She was #9
and a tenth kid was on the way. She said there were two sets of Siamese
twins, a set of boys and a set of girls who were joined at the head but who
had had surgery to separate them. When Ben checked out of school
at the end of the day and told the secretary what the girl had told him,
she said, "She's an only child!"

Other Comments

I'm joshing your toenails.
I'm a goddess, (5th grade boy).
I know animal facts: 2 + 2 = fish.
I went to kindergarten three times.
The tooth fairy broke my window!
You should get a job at McDonald's.
When I grow up I want to be a fire truck.
My sister is a vampire but she likes garlic.
My shoes are like yours but mine are clean.
My aunt had a Microsoft sound (ultrasound).
My dad has shoes like yours but his are clean.
I thought there were 51 states including China.
I'm going to be a dead Terrell Owens for Halloween!
I don't know math because I went to a Catholic school.
I've never used a bathroom in school before, (5th grade boy).












Compliments from Kids on Mr. Owen's Subbing

I consider you a teacher, not a sub.
You're the only nice substitute I know.
Great Sub! What more could a kid ask for?
I wish you were my sub for the rest of my life.
You're the best teacher a kid could ever have!
ub u r such an awsme sub u were seriosly the best sub ive ever had.
________________________________________________________

"Out of the Mouths of Babes"

A kindergartner was whistling and said, "I could whistle all day." When
Ben asked if he could whistle all night he said, "No, I can't whistle at night!"
_______________________________________________________

Ben read
Goldilocks and the Three Bears to a class of
kindergartners.When he asked them what was their favorite
part of the story, a boy said, "When they ate the porkchops!"
______________________________________________________

When Ben told a class of kindergartners that he was
an author, a girl asked, "Were you in the movie 'Arthur'?"
______________________________________________________

When Ben was subbing in a vocal music class, a kindergartner
asked him if they could sing the "Hulk Hogan" song. Ben didn't know
that song but was then told the boy meant the "Hanukkah" song!
______________________________________________________

When Ben read a book to a class that had the refrain,“Hi dee hi dee ho,”
a kindergartner said, "Mr. Owen, you're not supposed to say 'ho!'"
_________________________________________________________

Ben read a book to second graders about a boy named
Dong. A girl asked him why the boy was named Dong, and
when Ben said he didn't know, she answered, "Ding Dong!"
______________________________________________________

A second grade girl said, "If I could be rich for a
day, I'd buy a crayon box, a lunch box, and a limousine!"
_____________________________________________________

A third grade girl told Ben that she had a friend
from Asia who was  learning to speak English. When Ben
asked her what country her friend was from she said, “Alabama!”
_____________________________________________________

A boy asked Ben what happened to his hair. When Ben
told him that it fell out, he said “What did your dad say?”
When Ben told him that his dad's hair fell out too, his mouth fell open!
_____________________________________________________

When Ben asked a fourth grade class if there was a stool he could sit on,
a girl pointed to the restroom, thinking he wanted a bathroom stool!
_____________________________________________________

When Ben told a seventh grade class he’d written a book on how to
be a sub, a boy said, “What did you call it,
Teaching the Demons?”
____________________________________________________

Ben told a freshman English class that "to infer" meant
"to draw a conclusion." A girl then asked, "We have to draw?"
____________________________________________________

Amazing Kids Whom Ben Has Met
________________________________________________

A first grade girl who could play chess
with five adults at the same time and win.
_____________________________________________________

Ben subbed in a first grade class that said in unison
all 43 presidents of the USA, and then all 50 states in
order of being admitted to the union, as well as the state capitals.
_____________________________________________________

A fourth grader multiplied 487 x 965 in
his head and got the right answer: 469,455.
_____________________________________________________

A fourth grader showed Ben a 50-page handwritten
book he'd written called
The Concept of Time, Volume One,
and proudly told Ben that it was the first book in a trilogy.
_____________________________________________________

Ben met a fifth grade girl who could speak five languages.
_____________________________________________________
Other Questions to Mr. Owen

Will you pull my teeth?
Are granny apples nasty?
Is the top of your head soft?
Did you go to the beheadings?
Are there mermaids in real life?
Is Ranch Dressing a vegetable?
Do they have computers in Africa?
Are we going to do the moonwalk?
When are you going to get a real job?
Do you learn how to drive a car in college?
Did they use Uzis in the American Revolution?
May I adjust my fluid levels? (Go to the bathroom!)
What happens if you put a firecracker in a trombone?
Did you have an afro when you were in the first grade?
If a bald person put glue on his head, would it be shiny?
If you held your anger for 20 years, what would happen?
Will I have a mustache like yours when I grow up? (a kindgarten girl!)

Mr. Owen, you . . .

You smile big.
You have a lazy eye.
You have heavy eyes.
You have hair cancer.
You have monkey ears.
You have a thick mustache.
You sound like Homer Simpson's boss.
You don't look old - you don't have wrinkles.


















Mr. Owen, your . . .

Your head is clean.
Your teeth look clean.
Your nose is big, really big!
Your shirt looks like Freddy Krueger's!

Mr. Owen, you look like . . .

You look like BTK.
You look like a killer.
You look like my dad.
You look like Dr. Evil.
You look like a gorilla.
You look like a robber.
You look like a mummy.
You look like a cowboy.
You look like a wrestler.
You look like a China boy.
You look like Chris Benoit.
You look like a fun teacher.
You look like a bumblebee.
You look like Brian Jacques.
You look like a watermelon head.
You look like Chamillionaire's dad.
You look older than you did last month.
You look like Hit Man in "Hit Man One".
You look like Mario of the Mario Brothers.

Mr. Owen, you're . . .

You're old.
You're tall.
You're cool.
You're da bomb.
You're Harry Potter!
You're just a substitute.
You're short for a teacher.
You're wearing a doctor shirt.
You're always in a good mood.
You're the next Terrell Owens!
You're the only boy I know who doesn't have kids.

Kids Have Called Mr. Owen . . .

Mom
Dawg
Dude
Homey
Officer
Bald Eagle
Mr. HRK
Mr. Dude
Mr. Head
Mr. Shiny
Mr. Happy
Mr. Author
Mr. Junker
Mrs. Owen
You old pig!


Teachers Have Called Mr. Owen . . .

The King of Kindergarten
Funny Things Kids Asked Me
When I Was Their Substitute Teacher
Are you rich?
Are you 100?
Are you magic?
Are you still a kid?
Are you a doctor?
Are you a criminal?
Are you a Christian?
Are you a movie star?
Are you a leprechaun?
Are you our teacher's mom?
Are you a grandpa or an aunt?
Are you related to Terrell Owens?
Are you the sub who plays the banjo?

Mr. Owen, what's . . .

What's paste?
What's a urinal?
What's America?
What's a Popeye?
What's a Xerox copy?
What does flunk mean?
What grade are you in?
What happened to your hair?

Mr. Owen, why . . .

Why is your head shiny?
Why do you smile all the time?
Why do you have lines under your eyes?
Why does your forehead have bumps on it?

Mr. Owen, have you . . .

Have you been a cop?
Have you been in jail?
Have you been on welfare?
Have you subbed in Mexico?
Have you ever saved anyone?
Have you lived in the projects?
Have you heard of "Star Wars"?
Have you waxed your eyebrows?
Have you ever had a guinea pig in your pocket?

Mr. Owen, do you . . .

Do you smoke?
Do you like Rush?
Do you play guitar?
Do you like Metallica?
Do you buff your head?
Do you know pig Latin?
Do you shave your legs?
Do you speak Albanian?
Do you believe in magic?
Do you know how to read?
Do you shave your armpits?
Do you know if monkeys kiss?
Do you know how to play poker?

Mr. Owen, can . . .

Can you do the splits?
Can you spell "I cup?"
Can I touch your head?
Can I take your picture?
Can I scratch your back?
Can I sing for you today?
Can a spider eat a zebra?
Can I have your autograph?
Can I chew on a safety pin?
Can I make you some coffee?
Can I call you Terrell (Owens)?
Can I call you TO (Terrell Owens)?
Can you swallow with your mouth open?

Mr. Owen, how . . .

How do you spell TV?
How long did it take to grow your mustache?

Mr. Owen, who . . .

Who am you?
Who's your favorite superhero?
Who won the American Revolution?

Mr. Owen, did you write . . .

Did you write SpongeBob?
Did you write
Harry Potter?
Did you write
Junie B. Jones?
Did you write
Magic Tree House?
Did you write
Mama Has Three Kittens?"
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